The good, the bad and the ugly ...
The good news is that everyone seems to like my hair now after a couple of attempts at a new look. For the first time in my life I am not blonde. It was a decision I made. It had to be done. Actually, after the first day or two I was a little melancholy over the entire ordeal. I'd look at myself in the mirror without that thoughtless sense of recognition you experience each morning. The worst part of this big event for me was my son's reaction. My hair has always been Abram's favorite part of me. He has spent hours of his young life with his fingers tangled in my short curly locks. Immediately after the color was complete, his first comments were ... "You don't look like my Mom" ... followed by an even more horrific ... "I hate it, put it back". As you can imagine, it was quite upsetting for me. So, after two days with my hair a warm reddish brown and too long for my face, I went to the hair salon and got it cut. When I walked in the door tonight, I was greeted with a ... "Damn, now that's what I'm talkin' about" from my husband and a huge jumping hug from my son. The curls bounce back, when my hair is short. I suppose it was all about the curls rather than the color for Abram. I can't wait until his fingers run through my hair, while he says ... "cutty, cutty". Truly priceless! Alexandria is the neutral soul in the family ... she told me I looked pretty either way. What a diplomat!
The bad news is Fred/Papa's condition continues to deteriorate. He's been really sick this week; really tired, anorexia, severe bone pain and blah, blah ... no one wants to read about it. He was admitted to the hospital today and I sat there with him and Mom ... just the three of us alone in a room. How many times had the three of us sat that way in our lives I wondered. Each of us at different points being the patient in the bed, but always a time with the three of us in the room. Anyway, it's devastating for him, Mom, me, the kids, Steve, and all of the rest of the family that loves him. I don't know how it will all turn out, how we will all hold up, how to explain the severity of it all to my kids. Man ... cancer is a nightmare. Well, without the ability to wake up, I suppose. Please keep him in your thoughts ... he sure needs them now.
The ugly ... realizing and I do mean realizing that your Dad is lying in a hospital bed with a DNR bracelet on his wrist. Does life ever truly prepare one for that conversation. Is it possible for your mind to actually wrap itself around the concept of letting someone go. Out of a pure sense of love and the ability to allow your loved one dignity; I understand now that you let them go. You listen to their wishes and you follow their lead. After all it is their life and they have given you the greatest gift of love someone can by sharing theirs with you up to the very end. Somehow I'm finding great solace in that. You've got to find some, somewhere.
And to end on a lighter note ... today I will take my bathroom nightlight to Lowe's to try and match up some paint to the butterfly on it. It is a lovely bluish purple shade and Lowe's keeps advertising that they can match any color. We'll see! On vacation I started on a quest to redo all of my bathrooms. I redid our half bath and it turned out really well (if I do say so myself). It's now decorated in beach tones and beach related knick knacks. I love going in there now. So, I cannot wait to finish my butterfly bathroom. I've been collecting the butterfly stuff for many, many years now. The other big task of the day is to sign the kids up for swimming lessons. I truly love watching them in the water!! Tonight we will take the kids to go see Papa. They will have get well cards in hand, no doubt. Alexandria feels it is her duty in life to ensure everyone has an appropriate get well card. I will be really surprised if she does not end up in the medical world in some form or another. I cannot wait to see the impact the kids arrival has on Papa. He truly loves his grandchildren!!
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